We learned a long time ago, even as a child, how to tell if someone was doing something for us because it was their duty or some other fashion of because it was the right thing to do. We felt no warm, fuzzy feeling inside, not to mention a sense of “oh, I must be special”. On the other hand, when someone put a lot of energy into gifting us with their time or talent or parenting, we could feel their delight, and the act in itself made us happy. This was a gift in itself – the giving of the giver.
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I’ve come to observe families a lot lately, partly because now as a grandparent I have more time to notice things and appreciate more. For instance, on Sunday mornings during Mass (church service) I see teenagers and young children with their parents. If the parents are particularly interested, maybe even delighted to take part in the celebration by singing and praying with a bit of enthusiasm and devotion, then the teenagers and younger children seem equally interested, at least observant, maybe even with reverence. If the parents look completely disinterested to be there almost like they are out of a sense of duty, then the teenagers are usually bored half to death and you can tell it, and the younger ones are sometimes just plain out of control. (This is excluding babies and toddlers, of course, since they are still in the “I am Boss all the time” mode.)
And then there’s the restaurants. What fun. Smart phones and all. Whole families who might not even sit together at home as a group are finally united over a beautifully served meal and all they have to do is eat and be happy. And, yes, brace yourself, speak to one another. But I look around and many times see sullen faces, maybe bitten with stress from the week’s burdens. I see heads bent over cell phones in the deepest concentration that only a bomb going off could bring them back to the present moment. Sometimes I feel the frustration of parents who are trying to have an adult conversation, but who are totally ignoring the teens or pre-teens because they are on cell phones or hand held video games.
Is nothing sacred any more? You wonder if the parents just brought them along out of a sense of duty (to feed them) and can’t they parent enough to have “zero technology time” during dinner? Why can’t the family be “delighted” to be together? Why can’t we see some of that love that united them as a family unit in the first place? I ask too many questions, but the main one is this. Why do we have families and become parents in the first place ? Is it out of a sense of duty or because we are delighted to have reproduced the next generation?
Or have I just forgotten how exhausting it is to be a parent?
Well, that’s too many questions.
I am delighted I was a parent and I am delighted I still am!
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~ Gwen of Irish Acres