Sometimes it’s just inevitable that we’re going to wake up in the morning with an empty feeling that we just can’t explain. We think back on what we ate for dinner the night before, what was the last thing we said before we went to bed, did anything bad happen yesterday, did we say our prayers in order to sleep in peace with a heart ready in case we’re called. Nope, everything checks out and still there is that feeling. Where does it come from and why today when it was going to be a good day, a busy day?
As the day progresses it gets worse, almost like an impending doom. We start feeling guilty as if we’re not doing something right or forgetting something or someone we should be tending to. We even take it to the Lord in prayer. Hmmm. Maybe He’s busy, we reason, when we don’t get an instant answer or feel a zap of peace or comfort.
I had such a day this week. It’s not like it’s never happened before, but it came out of nowhere. Most of my friends call it depression when they have a day or many days like this. I’m not sure of that. We are women. We have emotions, hormones, lack of hormones, too much stress, not enough exercise or maybe a caffeine high or low going on.
However, depression does exist and for those who have it, they usually know it.
That particular day I tried to shake this feeling or lack of feeling. A feeling like the stars, yes, bright shinny stars, were just plain cold. What does that even mean? The stars are hot and on fire, but, they are too far away, so how would I know that. To me, that day, they were cold.
The day ended with the same feeling. No big events, nothing out of the ordinary happened and I trudged on through the entire day trying helplessly to be grateful instead of grumpy. I was afraid to get out of the bed the next morning, or even open an eye or two. What if I still felt the same? Is this going to loom over me forever.... and ever, I thought? I got up anyway as the day and its duties were already calling.
Shortly into the morning, I read something inspiring that gave me some perspective and I felt not so alone. I felt a clear direction and a purpose again. Things began to warm up. Maybe it was me. Maybe the stars weren’t so cold after all and maybe even, eventually, all would be well again.
The inspiration was from IN GREEN PASTURES by J.R. Miller D.D.
It was called "The Lesson of Peace"
Where Christ places us we are to remain; where he sends us we are to go;
and in the heat of life's conflicts, set upon every hand by a host of things
which tend to distract our peace, we are to maintain an unruffled calm
and all the tenderness and simplicity of the heart of a little child.
That is the problem of life and of living which Christ sets for us
and which he will help us to solve if we accept him as our teacher.
As the tender grass and even sweet flowers live and grow all through the winter
under the deep snows, and come forth in the spring-time in beauty,
so our hearts may remain loving, tender and joyous
through life's sorest winter under the snows of trial and sorrow.
...And, yes, even when the stars grow cold.
~ Gwen of IRISH ACRES
