Depending on who we are, or maybe just our mindset on a particular day, we like to read happy blogs (books, articles, etc.) or sad blogs, inspirational or even can-relate-to blogs. Sometimes we need humor or wit and wisdom. Sometimes we just need to read or focus on something, anything to see beyond our own little space and what we are dealing with or going through on any given day. OR perhaps, we are in a hard dry place and don’t want to relate to anything for awhile. That’s where I’ve been.
And then there’s the writing itself. Sometimes it can be done and sometimes it cannot. If the words aren’t there, it just isn’t going to happen. If we’re having too much fun and life is great, we might not want to stop and take the time to write about it. OR perhaps, we’re in the pit of darkness and can’t see past our nose much less write about it, and we don’t care anyway. That’s where I’ve been.
NORMAN ROCKWELL
I wouldn’t say darkness as in dispair or giving up, because fortunately, as low as I have been many times in my life, the sucking-up-dirt kind of low, I have never given up completely. That would be to give up on God. I’ve been blessed in that like the Irishman holding on to a single blade of grass to keep from falling off the edge of the earth, my single blade of grass is God. I can understand and have empathy for someone who has not had that “blade of grass” to hang on to. So, I see darkness, yes, but not dispair here.
Sometimes life throws you a curve ball and you have to go out of your way or your comfort zone to catch it and win the game, or you have been given lemons and you must make lemonade, that sort of thing. Recently there have been sudden changes in a family situation that have and still does requires all my energy, focus and strength to deal with, besides having my own household, family and farm to tend to. This isn’t easy and some days I wonder how can I keep doing this when I don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. I see the tunnel.
There are days when my old P.T.S.D. comes back so strong, I wonder if I should just bail out and let others handle it. Who in their right mind would want to go back into battle with the same thing that still haunts them from past experiences of 'that kind of battle'.
Of course, we all have life’s battles to deal with, and we all react differently to our own. What one person can handle with grace and dignity, another handles with boxing gloves. Some days in the middle of this situation I am currently in, I have grace and dignity; some days I wear the gloves.
Taking one day at a time, I am always inspired by something I read or meditate on and that gets me through another day. Fortunately I read something last week that reminded me of the three choices we have when we are confronted with one of life battles. We are given three choices:
(1) Remove yourself from the situation if possible.
(2) Change the situation.
(3) Embrace the situation and do the best you can until help arrives or it's over
I remember from past battles, especially the big ones, that I always like the first choice best. Yes, that’s me. Sometimes it is the right option, sometimes it isn’t. This time it isn’t. Listening for the will of God is crucial at this point. He likes to refine those He loves in order to polish them and make them better, or something like that, biblically speaking.
So, me being me, I then move quickly to choice #2 and start taking control and fixing things, only to find out that He’s usually there ahead of me. He's speaking softly in my heart to “slow down, listen and learn” and “I will help you if you let me”. Of course, eventually I do, in order to survive the ongoing situation. This then, brings me to choice #3 and that in a nutshell is “surrender”. That’s where I am now.
Surrendering to a situation is not giving up and giving in. It is the conscious decision to embrace the call and do the best you can, daily or even minute by minute. We’ve all been there with life's little things (I guess this is for practice) and on much greater levels when we are dealing with life changing situations.
I've found over the years that there is always hope in the middle of a tunnel that we will see the end of the tunnel sooner or later. We may not always see the light or know how long a single tunnel is. We might have doubts about how we will hold up physically, mentally and emotionally.
I think the hope must be the light, and the light must be the grace of God. This I what I really have to believe from past experiences.
So, I guess this is where I am now.
~ Gwen of IRISH ACRES